I've done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Homer no function beer well without.
Look, my liege! Shut up! Will you shut up?! What a strange person. But you are dressed as one…I blow my nose at you, so-called Ah-thoor Keeng, you and all your silly English K-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.
Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There's nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. As you wish. I don't know what you're talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan--
Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. You don't win friends with salad. I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. D'oh. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work.